Spotty Sensibility

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 03:09:47 GMT

I think it's funny that people only take the time to do major introspective reflection from December 31st through January... 3rd, maybe, at the latest. After the Third, people seem to feel pretty good about themselves. There's a lot of "never again"'s and "it's a new beginning"'s. I think it's strange that people don't say that on January 7th. Or June 30th. Or at all in November. It's too late by November; the year just hasn't been buried yet.

But in all seriousness, I think people would be better served looking at their lives more frequently than just once a year. Especially if they can avoid cliche and getting lost in the calender sense of time management. I don't like when people say things like "no regrets" or something equally as meaningless. Regret is a healthy emotion, I think. Like embarrassment or guilt or something. It serves the same purpose as 'pain' does when you hurt yourself; a tangible reminder of things done wrong, or those done wrong by you, etc. You wouldn't learn not to touch a hot stove if it didn't burn you and leave scars; why should emotional problems be different?

And of course, we can all say "I learned something from it" or something inane like that. I don't like it when people try to find meaning in everything. It just smacks of this cosmic arrogance I can't seem to palate. It presupposes some kind of order and understanding or something; as though the universe just can't wait to teach us little lessons on how to better cope with... well, this.

But, here, I'll give it a shot.

Retrospective:

- We never really know anyone, regardless of length or closeness of our relationships.
- A Liberal Arts degree will teach you only to mistrust and become cynical. Those who can avoid this are delusional or ignorant. Those who totally buy into it only perpetuate it. The rest of us get lost.
- Forgiveness is not always healthy.
- Neither is preserving a friendship for the sake of it.
- Substance abuse is only truly meaningful when you have nothing to escape from.
- Nobody wants to pay to hear your happiness.
- Change is inevitable, disorienting, and commonly unwelcome.

Lastly:
- Don't create anything.

How did I do? That should last anyone for about a year, right?

We'll just have to play it by year, I guess.

so beautiful; and terrible

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 17:38:20 GMT

For those of you who like anime and good indie music

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 20:50:43 GMT

So... since we last left me...

Finished school, moved back home, working for a year, thinking about applying to about a million different programs, brutal at saving money, softball league, almost got arrested, fell off a deck, sushi addict, probably a full-blown alcoholic; and not in the funny 'student spending money on beer not food' way, gym membership, 152 pounds, expanded wardrobe, Arctic Monkeys at Kool Haus, Leafs game, disappointing birthday, total break-up (thank God), couple of break-downs, best friend(s), Devendra Banhart at Queen Elizabeth, Devendra Banhart at his tour bus, shook hands, Love Above All, Dark Was The Night, and getting lost.

Probably some other stuff in there, but those are the high(low)lights.

Just so you can all say "Man. That guy is totally still alive"

Whatever you say I am, that's what I'm not

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:59:40 GMT

So good

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 07:03:07 GMT

Change is a funny thing, don't you think?

Some people never change, or at least, they claim not to. I'd like to be like them. Every day I'm growing or shedding or switching or aging. It's awful. I think I can feel it sometimes. Like feeling the Earth spin; you can hear the gears if you listen hard enough.

Or maybe that's just in my head. Literally.

Objectivity is a funny thing, too.

Sometimes I get all worked up about something. Something I can't control. Like change. It's not good for yourself. It's like smoking cigarettes, I imagine. You always want to quit, but you can't bring yourself to do it. There's something necessary about feeling, even if it's "shitty". It still -is-, which is better than nothing. Or is it? I'm just rambling.

But change and objectivity seem to have this weird cosmic interplay I wasn't aware of.

I figure 'change' is the only thing that makes people upset; shifts to-and-from the status quo.

The only time that 'feeling' stops is when you objectively accept something, even if that 'something' is just intangible, or the very act of 'change' itself.

I'm not sure if I'm very good at dealing with that. I still get too worked up when change happens. Even little things. The way people act. Changes in that can be really destabilizing, I found out. Especially people you really cared about. Those can be the worst of all.

But I think I'll manage.

I just have to change.

And be objective.

Updart

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 04:10:53 GMT

Hmm, busy weekend. I'm back home now, and only half-tired, so I'm hoping this'll kind of push me over the edge of sleepiness. We'll have to see.

Soo, had big plans this weekend, at least for me. Gathered up some friends of mind from around here and trucked it to Toronto on Sunday morning to catch the Jays game, stay there for the night, and hit Wonderland on the next. I sort of forgot how exhausting 'travel' can be, and inevitably is, physically and emotionally. I don't know if it's a 'bad' thing yet, but it's just... weird. It seems you can still do 'nothing', but if you do it a hundred miles away, you're still doing 'something'. And it can still be tiring.

Anyway, we got down to Toronto Sunday morning without incident. However, we had wound up having some problems getting tickets, with my one friend only ordering four, when we needed five, and then having to buy an entire set of new tickets just to stay in one row (they were playing Boston, Halladay pitched. It was sick). Either way, after all that stress of fixing the ticket thing (we bought new tickets figuring we could scalp the others) the fifth person decides to text me an hour before the game informing me they're not coming. Soo, we wound up with 6 extra tickets we couldn't sell, as Scalpers only seem to want to deal with box-office tickets, and not ones you print at home. The person who didn't show was my guest, so that got stuck onto my bill. Not cool, potentially weekend-threatening, but read on.

So, after that, I'm in a pretty cranky mood which had lasted the duration of the game, despite it being a sick game. It's shitty, at least for me, that one little thing like that can ruin an otherwise lovely afternoon. Luckily my friends were good at patronizingly cheering me up, and that helped, really. We found our way over to the Courtyard Marriott on Young, which turned out to be a really nice place. Pool, Hot tub, gym, really nice room, all for about 120? I couldn't complain. Also, being on Young proper, it was surrounded by really nice ethnic-y food places, which meant I got to try out Korean BBQ for the first time. Pretty cool stuff, if you haven't had the chance yet. Big open-flame cooktop at each table, and they just cart out this all-you-can-eat platter of meats and veggies and sauces and stuff that you just cook up yourself right infront of you. Really slick. Even better for 12 bucks.

It's sort of neat that I can still learn things about myself at this age. I can get put into a bad mood really quickly, despite myself and surroundings. I can reverse this quickly through really good food, or at least interesting food. I don't know if it's just the distraction of trying something new or eating something tasty, but it really helped. I wonder if I'll eventually turn into one of those 'eats their problems' people, but I figure I'm not a fatty just yet, so I've got some time.

Anyway, wound up just wandering Toronto for the night and hitting up all the cute little stores therein. I don't think I could ever live in Toronto. Or at least, downtown. It's got so much that I love, but in an environment that I hate. Sirens all the time, so many people, so much haste... I dunno, I'd like to maybe go to school there one year, and have the ability to leave when I wanted. I like going there for the day, and that's it. Right now, at least.

Wound up at Frans at like 2 for more beer and apple pie. Man, was that good pie.

Next day, woke up, more Frans (outrageously good) breakfast, and went to Wonderland. Not being a 'ride warrior' type (read: I hate that crap), I figured I'd either wind up in the waterpark all day, or just being a Debbie Downer about the whole thing. Firstly, though, I thought I'd give the coasters a try, and see where it took me. Much to my own surprise, actually, I wound up having a seriously good time. Admitting to myself that that fucking 'Behemoth' or whatever it's called, was -entirely- out of my league, we all wound up spending 9 hours there, just riding everything else, and generally having an awesome day. I don't really remember the names, but the one that used to be the 'Italian Job' ride was intense, and the Bat, and Vortex, annnd.... there was one other... All very good. 'Riptide' was shitty. Just fyi. That thing sucks.

Left right at 10, wound up hitting two different Pizza Pizza locations to exploit that 10 ticket bullshit we got caught with and getting 10 slices of pizza 'cuz Halladay is unhittable, and a champ. I love that promotion. It's served me well.

Anyway, back home now, all raggedy and tired. I wound up buying some outrageously hot shirts from Winners (Buffalo and DKNY for dirt cheap? Yes. Yes indeed) so I'm all eager to try them out. Maybe pictures? Naww. I hate that shit. Just imagine one of those weird avant-garde-esq models and put my face on him. It's close. Seriously... It's nuts.

Josh.

PS: If anyone see's Bright Eyes' "I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning" cd. Buy it. Mail it to me. Dooo ittt

landlocked blues

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 04:59:50 GMT

And the world’s got me dizzy again
You think after 22 years I’d be used to the spin
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I’m always pacing around or walking away
I keep drinking the ink from my pen
And I’m balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase:

If you love something, give it away

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 05:27:52 GMT

Hmm... It's been a while since I've said anything on here. Maybe because I'd been having a decent go of things for the past little while, before now-ish. Maybe my brainspace was still only like 3/4's full until now. Either way, this feels like as good a time as any to flush a few things out.

I haven't been sleeping well since I've got home. It's like... maybe 4 of the 7 days of the week, I'll get to bed, and then just lie there, awake, thinking about everything and nothing. I hadn't made anything of it the first little while, assuming I was just acclimatizing to being home again or something, but it's bothering me now. It's getting to the point where sleep is just annoying and generally not restful. I have some theories on this.

Considering I've yet to hear back from the bulk of the Law Schools I applied to, I've jumped to the conclusion I didn't get in. That's not a problem, I'm still not sure if I even wanted to go in the first place. What seems to be the issue is how that's leading to this omnipresent feeling of being trapped. It's like I'm claustrophobic in an open space or something. If I start thinking about the fall or the next year, I get all tight in the chest and start worrying about the rest of my life en masse. It's not helpful, and not really 'me', either, which makes it all the more problematic.

I still have -no- idea what I'd like to do with the rest of my life. I don't like anything enough to commit myself to. I figured at 21 I'd have a -rough- idea of where I'd like to see myself in ten years. Currently, "alive" tops that list, and then a variety of substances and situations intertwine themselves with it. Aside from that, I'm pretty easy going for the next rest-of-my-life.

For the first time in my life, I find myself desperately wanting to travel. To just get up and go somewhere entirely away from this place, and the people I'm around. Come to think of it, I think maybe University was just that; some kind of vacation from myself, or my life. I've had a couple different invites to go out West in Canada with various people (furries are always so accommodating. It's cute) and I find myself more and more willing to just pick up and leave. I never used to be like that. A month ago I wasn't like that. I thought graduating was supposed to alleviate this junk. Shouldn't it have settled me down? Encouraged me to pick a place and work towards that?

I think it backfired. I'm all wanderlusty and dissatisfied. I don't know how to fix it.

I don't know if I can fix it.

To digress slightly: Hanging out with a bunch of straight guys nearly consistently as your exclusive friend base can be one of the greatest exercises in futility I can think of. Most of my good girl- or gay- friends are back in Hamilton or other places in Ontario, and I'm left with my core of good, straight, male friends. It's nice for routine and just for like 'hanging out', but aside from that, it can be incredibly... frustrating, I guess? I don't even know how to describe things with them. They're all lovely friends, but their straight-wolf-pack sort of mentality leaves me out of alot of their plans, even if I'm being strictly intangible. If they want to go to the bar, they're going to meet girls. If they want to hang out somewhere, they'll talk about girls. They date girls, they live and breathe them. It's something I've never noticed before, really, that is to say, how alienated I feel from them just because of the whole gay-straight thing. I try my best to pretend its not a distinction in the least, but it just seems to work its way in there once in a while. It's disheartening to see how quickly a guy friend will leave you once a girl comes along.

I'd put all the blame on chicks, but it's not like I'm that mad at them. I think these guys I know -need- girls in their lives to balance them out... but they're just so terrible at trying to balance friendships and relationships that one inevitably gets ignored for the other. Worse still, I can't be the bad guy and say anything.

In fact, I can't really say much of anything substantial around these guys. They're very much geared towards superficial conversation; they fear anything deeper or more emotional. I don't know if that's how their are in their personal lives, but I don't think I could live that way. I enjoy conversation that can break away from recollecting past conversations or Street Fighter 4 (not that I'm knocking that game, it's epic), but it's just... I don't know, redundant, if you play it both physically and linguistically.

However, it's getting late. I might try and add to this tomorrow, but I doubt it. Usually I wake up with an entirely different perspective on things, and it takes a couple of hours to readjust. Maybe it's just harder to see the walls first thing in the morning.

Sorry if you read this whole thing; it didn't really go anywhere near the end there, yeh?

brains are funny things

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 04:24:25 GMT

I've been thinking about this thing. It's such an odd little concept, don't you think? It's an oxymoron, really, if you think about it. 'Live' implying vibrant, public openness, and 'journal', all tucked away in privacy and retrospect. I don't know why they thought to put the two together, or why in the world it caught on... and yet here I am, reading about people's thoughts and lives; people I've never met, and probably never will.

It's almost like a reality television show, dontchathink?

There seems to be this neat little fascination with making private things public all of a sudden. As soon as people have secrets, another group of people want to see them, or read about them, or listen to them. Worse still, there's another group of people who just give it away for free, putting details of their personal and private lives on a place like the internet. Catharsis? I dunno, really. I'm trying to understand it too. But then again, I don't really watch a ton of 'reality TV', or at least the shows that follow around celebrities in their everyday minutia.

But even then, they're -celebrities-. Their lives are fantastic even in their most mundane.

But you and I, on the other hand, aren't fabulous in the least. We're just people. People aren't very fabulous. They just sort of 'are', and that's cool, but it's nothing to write home about. Literally.

Yet there I go, writing whole paragraphs and then editing myself because I didn't like how it sounded or came across. Who am I trying to impress? I'm not saying anything that needs editing or afterthought. I'm just talking off the top of the head here, making up for a lack of words in the rest of my body.

Maybe when we're left alone with our brains, we just need to empty them out once in a while, to make sure they don't get too full, and we wind up forgetting the more important things in our lives. I think I've done that sometimes. If that's the case, I can totally understand this thing. I think I've had too much going on in there, the last couple of days. I'm surprised when I learn new things, I don't forget very basic things. I sort of want to read a book one day and then forget how to brush my teeth. I think that would explain a ton about humanity, in general, and perspectives, in specific.

I can never understand people getting stressed out. I get "stressed" in a weird way if I'm physically late for something, or under a deadline. That, to me, is something to get "stressed" about, and I'm loosely quoting it to ensure you understand 'stress' to be a relative term. I've had enough reason to think about people and stress in the last little while, and I'm still wondering what possible benefit it could have to the body. I understand that, when stressed, I get more productive, so I don't mind getting stressed in an academic-workload situation, that to me makes sense. But like... in a relationship? In a conversation? In a casual setting? I just don't get it. I think it has something to do with the whole full-brain thing, and perspectives.

I think once people get their heads all full, they hard-wire some things in there to make them easier to remember, and to not take up their space just kicking around in there. Then other people come along with different perspectives and understandings of similar issues, just as firmly hardwired. Then they wind up trying to rationalize very different things to one another in a ham-fisted attempt at communication. Then they get stressed. Then they fight.

Then these people wind up running the world.

I think that might be why I like how B-rock Obama answers questions. He doesn't have quick answers. He kinda thinks about everything he's gonna say. I like to think to myself that he doesn't have a hardwired brain, and he can just take situations and people and ideas and judge them on their merits. He comes across so thoughtful and understanding. I'd like to be more like that.

I've got work to do.

I think I'm hardwired in my own ways, and maybe I just keep 'stress' under the surface, and pretend it doesn't exist. Maybe that's how I cope. Maybe I cope better... or much worse. I guess it's like 'Serenity Now': I won't know until I smash a bunch of computers.

Regardless, I've rambled. And kind of answered my earlier questions about this place. It's a good brain dump. I might wind up making a routine of this. My head feels lighter.

Thats... hobo! That's hobo bed!

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 15:52:14 GMT

I laugh every time he says 'hobo'

I like movie trailers

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 23:37:25 GMT

They take everything about a movie and condense it into a minute or so.

A whole gambit of feelings and lessons and meanings, set to music.

Presented in the most attractive way they could muster.

Why isn't everything else like that?

It would save a lot of effort.

And best of all

It's always

quick.

Bleh

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 11:32:09 GMT

Leaving to write the LSAT's in a half-hour.

I've discovered my favorite breffast is toast and tea. I'm having it now, and it makes me feel good, so that's something new I've learned about myself today.

Also, I think everyone should check this out:

http://www.rockabyebabymusic.com/web/page.asp?pgs=products

Kinda hip, eh? I have the Radiohead one, and it's... just as advertised, really. Very pretty.

hope everyone's doin' good.
This Kid.

All Alright

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 05:32:25 GMT

It's absolutely amazing what a couple friends, not too-too much alcohol, a dark room lit by a wicked smelling candle, and good music can do to to your overall mood.

Sigur Ros convinces me that there is still good things in the world.

It's been a nice night.

edit: Also, peanut M&M's help.

Mrawrf

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:39:28 GMT

'Cuz when it's summer in the city
And you're so long gone from the city
I start to miss you
Baby
Sometimes

I'm Not There

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 03:43:39 GMT

You should watch it.

Man, was it ever good.

Dear Christian Bale

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 02:54:33 GMT

Hi.

I enjoyed the Dark Knight a lot. Most of the praise its been given is well justified, despite it being about 45 minutes too long and involving that whole 'Cell Phone Sonar' thing, which was pretty stupid. You should've said something when they made you wear the bat-helmet with the light-up eyes... but I suppose you're not really mired in the 'creative process'.

Anyway, I'm off topic.

My real reason for writing this was to ask you if you could do me a solid:

Please, when you're actually "Batman" and not "Bruce Wayne", can you not talk like a retard?

I mean, I understand that Batman has to mask his voice or whatever, but... honestly? You sound embarassing. It's like the voice a 14 year old would slap on if someone said "talk like a tough guy". It doesn't do you any favours.

Furthermore, when you do talk, can you just keep your mouth closed inbetween? Like... you know, a normal person? There was a good long time at the end of the movie when you were in your retard voice and you just left your mouth open and your lower jaw stuck out.

It was pretty distracting.

Aside from that, though, it was pretty good.

Love Josh.

PS: Heath made you look like a hack.

Santogold

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 21:38:10 GMT

Deal with her.

Word

Thu, 22 May 2008 15:58:11 GMT

Haven't been posting in forever, been kinda busy. Anyway, I'm doing well enough over here. Playing baseball in Orillia (Tuesday and Friday nights... I know you want to come watch) and otherwise working... It's a fairly typical Northern Summer.

And speaking of typical northern things, I made Cedar Planked Salmon over the long weekend, and it was probably the best thing I've ever eaten. This is what I did.

Requires a good piece of Salmon, the marinade below, and a cedar plank, which you can find near the seafood dept in most good grocery stores. The Salmon should be enough to fit the length of the plank, or really how much you think you can eat. 1/2-3/4's a pound, per person.

Marinade:
Good quality maple syrup, enough to coat
2 Whole Chipotle Peppers; finely diced
1 Garlic clove; diced
A big grab of fresh Parsley; chopped
A good pinch of salt.

Slam the marinade over the salmon and leave in the fridge for as long as you can. At the same time, you need to soak the cedar plank in some water for at least four hours before hand. When the plank is good and soaked, you need to lay it on a hot barbeque and let it smoke up. When it's all smokey and crackly, you whip the lid open, lay the salmon on the plank, and leave it. 20 or so minutes should do it, but it depends on the size of the salmon.

Anyway, when it's done, it's outrageous. I served it with some Lemon Basmati rice I made (Basmati Rice, lemon zest, juice, tumeric) and some steamed broccoli. You should all make it for yourselves. It's wicked.

Hope you're all well.
~Josh

Man, I like food.

Mariposa

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 03:31:38 GMT

For those of my more musically inclined journal watchers...

http://www.mariposafolk.com/signpost.php?dest=festival

Sarah Harmer is the Sunday night headliner, with Hayden and Joel Plasket being there too... Loudon Wainwright III is coming, and... well, the whole list of performers is there. It's a three day thing. July 4-6.

You should all come. It's going to be good.

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 02:25:20 GMT

Because Everyone Else Is Doing It


Neuroticism	4
Extraversion	41
Openness to Experience	30
Agreeableness	55
Conscientiousness	79

You are a calm person who is considered almost fearless by some, however you do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You prefer familiar routines and for things to stay the same. You can tend to feel uncomfortable with change. You do not enjoy confrontation, but you will stand up for yourself or push your point if you feel it is important, however you are mostly a compassionate person, however you prefer to make objective judgments when possible. You are well-organized and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans.

Not really accurate, but close

Tune In/Drop Out

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 02:39:26 GMT

4/20 and whatever, right? Figured I'd buy into it this year and try something new and exciting. Got a big ol' bag of mushrooms and pounded through it with a friend of mine. Started at about 9:00 Saturday evening, got to bed at about 5:00 this (Sunday) morning. When I was in the midst of it, I thought to myself "I'm going to write this all down" because when I was reading about that, nobody seemed to want to account their specific reactions and interpretations. I think it makes potential users slightly more apprehensive when approaching the stuff, and the last thing people need on this kinda stuff is apprehension. Anyway, this is my little guide/play by play of that night, with the best details I can remember. I'll try to cover main things I think people should know to expect, and cool stuff to have around, and maybe things to avoid. Anyway...

Magical Mystery Tour:
9:00: First go. Chomp what I thought was a reasonable amount. 3 or 4 reasonable sized pieces, whatever that works out to. Continued to watch the hockey game.
9:30: Nothing really happening. Disappointed. My arms feel weird, but no perceptive changes. Kinda lame. Is this it?
9:45: Same as above, chomp on some more. Probably an equal amount to the first dose. Maybe a little more.
10:00: Ditch the hockey game, go upstairs to listen to music. Start feeling a little weird, but no real perception changes. My arms feel kinda hot, but I can communicate perfectly and am starting to worry that this batch was a dud or something.

10:30: Things start getting serious. Set up a lava lamp, in typical fashion, and begin to really feel things. It all sort of starts at once. By shifting focus alot, I don't notice anything major going on, but staring at one spot or object, I start seeing things shift and ripple. Colours start to pop out. The blue from the Beatles painting TCW did for me was the first thing I noticed; it was luminescent.
11:00ish: I've stopped paying attention to time by this point; everything else is amazing. I start seeing faces in everything. The lava lamp has a speck on it; which becomes the eye of a dog, then a man, and a troll, and the large clump of wax that rose to the top has Alfred Hitchcock, an Angry Russian Woman, and an old man in it. The dog is pointing to it.
11:30ish: Radiohead is playing. The entire Amnesiac album. The Synesthesia kicks in; I can hear in colour. The song is the most amazing thing I've heard in my life, and I can barely move. Inbetween songs, the entire room is black and white, with lights behind the blinds beating to any ambient noise. When 'Life in a Glass House' starts, and climaxes, I saw and felt things I've never felt before. The colours were so vivid, and in tune with the music. Patterns and designs scrolled across my ceiling emphasizing each note. The bass was loud and penetrated to the core of my body. It was magical. I've never felt that way before, ever.
12:00ish: Hearing in colour continues; my friend looks like a deity, and is melting into my wall. He thinks its marvelous, and continues flipping to my lava lamp. The large map on my wall is mother nature, and every poster I have on that wall is floating an inch off of it. I assume this is a metaphor for keeping the Earth pure. I feel organic; everything is natural and perfect. I'm drinking a bottle of water, and it's so perfectly cold and refreshing. The mushrooms that tasted horrid originally now seem so pure, too; everything that comes from the earth is marvelous, and every inanimate object is trying to tell me a story. My ceiling is putting on a performance, but everything else is trying to talk to me as well. I'm seeing a lot of feminine faces. Like masks. They're all marvelously serene.
12:30: The doorbell rings. Apprehension kicks in. It's amazing the mood swings you can have; from perfect serenity to distinct and sincere anxiety. We go downstairs. House mates come home; one who did a few mushrooms with us, one who had been drinking. My drunk housemate is everything that is wrong with the universe, and I want nothing to do with her. I can see black and purple waves coming from her, and I know its awful. I want to stay in my room with my music.
1-3ish: Keeping a big chunk of mushroom in my mouth, I drink around it to keep going. The walls are breathing. Everything is alive and I'm part of it. People continue coming in and out of my room, which makes me anxious. I'd rather everyone just chilled, and when they open the door, cold air comes in. I crawl under my blankets and again become serene. Eventually, I begin to feel sick, and overheated, which stops when I get out of the blankets and stand to use the washroom. The sponge in the washroom is awful, and I don't care for it. I stare at it for a while, and the pores look like skulls, churning around one another. Bad news. Again, everything has the 'facial' theme. I see eyes on things, like the holes in my Beatles records, and on my map. Everything is very much colourful, but much less so than before. I'm obviously coming down, but things are still neat. Oddly enough, faces of the people in my house, and people in posters, etc. are all mangled and distorted... Very interesting.
3:00ish: Sitting outside on my porch, discussing everything. Going over the details of what we all saw and did. Lost track of my friend for a good chunk of the evening, who was out in the hall having the time of his life. I'm becoming slightly more anxious/paranoid-y, but nothing severe. The faces on the tree across the street are creeping me out, so I don't leave the porch.
4-5ish: Laying on housemate's floor talking everything over again. Still feeling some lingering effects. Faces are still distorted. When I close my eyes, I can see weird images that I would just never normally think of; some slightly disturbing... sort of like a Tool video. All very bizzare, but still neat. I have a bit of a headache, but it's not severe, and my housemate is complaining of feeling sick. Slight stomach aches happened throughout the night, but it seems sort of individually based.
5: Sleep doesn't come easy, but I get a good 5 hours, and we go to breakfast. I feel totally fine, except a lingering headache that comes and goes. Queasiness is gone, as well as any perceptive changes.

That all said, this was my list of good and bad things:
Good:
Radiohead (or just excellent music in general)
Water
Blank White Surfaces
Lava Lamp
Comfortable laying down space
blankets/sweaters
fresh air, periodically
being in the dark
My huge wall map

Bad:
Light
People walking in and out
Alcohol/drunkenness
the sponge in my bathroom
creepy faces.

Mhmm... yeah, that's about it. It was seriously a trip. I would recommend it to everyone, to be totally honest. Emotions en masse were heightened and changed... the colours and designs... I wish I had any form of artistic talent to be able to capture some essence of what I saw. Very, very hip.

That said, you can switch from being totally fantastic to totally freaked out in all of two seconds. You really have to approach it without apprehension, and without trying to control what you're seeing/experiencing. Just take everything at face value, and for what it is, and you don't get caught up in how weird and awful some things can appear.

Seriously, though... everyone should experience this, at least once, for good or for bad. It was a serious trip.

my name is Tristan; and I am alive

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 17:57:07 GMT

So hip...

The Beatles

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 03:16:33 GMT

I should be working right now, instead I've gone to bed;
I've spent all night getting out the Beatles in my head.
Not that I mind, mind you, they only do what they must
it really is my fault, you see, that they've begun to trust
my head as a cozy place to stay; their home away from home.
I find it frustrating, though, when they wont leave my tome
and they skitter back and forth, keeping me awake;
don't they know that I have work? Don't they know what's at stake?
No, I suppose not, and they're really not to blame.
You couldn't blame the Pyramids or Apostles for their fame;
They were arranged brick by brink; so unsure of what they wrote
they didn't mean to cause me pain; they were certain of every note.
So you see, I cant be cross, but I can surely dread
my single struggle, every night, with the Beatles in my head

I don't really know where that came from. I've been playing Beatles tunes all day, instead of doing schoolwork, so I just kinda slapped that down... I don't really write poems, but I had a couple of those rhymes in my head, and they made a neat little story there.

Anyway, just thought I'd post something. Hope you like it.

Spawtz

but the kid is not my son

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 03:39:35 GMT

I've spent the last week:

Getting stoned
Watching Jesus Christ Superstar
Getting drunk
Writing essays
Reading for classes
Dancing on the fireplace at the Snooty Fox
Dancing on the table at my house to 'Thriller'
and some other shit

I'm tired

and burnt out

Walking: A brief instructional rant

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 21:35:57 GMT

Walking. It's not very hard.

Or so you'd think.

Yes, there's snow on the ground, obviously that makes the entire process more difficult.

But CAMMON. We live in a society of rules! There has to be an established code of conduct for walking, and I intend to at least start with some basic rules, especially when one lives in Canada and attends a crowded university with poorly laid out infrastructure to begin with.

1) I think you're entitled to walk at your own pace, but my GOD, just stick to the right and let other people get past you. If you feel like taking a nice, casual stroll, more power to you, but don't walk right down the middle of the sidewalk, or weave from side to side. This applies even further to people talking on their cellphones/listening to headphones. It is never cool to just slide on down the middle of a sidewalk, going like 10 feet an hour, and being entirely oblivious to everyone around you.

2) Two people are walking towards one another on the same sidewalk. After a heavy snowfall, there is only a narrowly tread path of easily walked-upon sidewalk left. These people inevitably cross paths. What is the acceptable protocol for their meeting?
a) They both step off the path, getting snowy, but avoiding the already tread path out of mutual respect for the other
b) If one person has an easier time getting out (ie: the meet at a spot where there is an obvious plow-line for one person to step towards), the person takes the obvious path early enough to let the other keep their original path
c) One person sticks to the path and waits for the other person to go around.
d) a and b

If you said c), you seriously need to consider killing yourself. I had this happen to me like FOUR times today. It's a narrow path, and these people walk at you, head down, until you inevitably get shouldered away. No 'sorry' or 'I didn't see you'. Just a grunt of contact and they continue walking. Now, I had a few a)'s happen, and a few b)'s, but the MAJORITY were c)'s. I couldn't understand it.

3) If you're walking with a group of people, it is -not- appropriate to walk slowly, 4 wide, across the length of a sidewalk. I don't care who you are. Buddy up, file up, and let people get past you, should they need to. It's like common sense!

4) STAY TO THE RIGHT, PASS ON THE LEFT. I thought this was common knowledge, but my God, apparently it's kosher to weave and cut in front of people randomly. I think snow makes people insane, or something. I almost got killed twice from these kids booking it right in front of me, holding a coffee, just trying to walk, fer chrissakes.

5) Cars are bigger, stronger, and faster than you. It is not appropriate to just cross at an intersection when you get there. Especially if the motorist has been waiting. There's like 2 intersections on campus where kids just cross when they feel like it, not even looking at the traffic coming at them, or the people obviously waiting to turn. It's phenomenal. I watched a lady wait in her car for like 5 minutes just to turn. Nobody gave her a wave. When one person would stop to let her go, a person behind them would start walking, oblivious to the situation, and that would somehow give license to the original person to go, now that the car is already stopped. It was amazingly frustrating, and I'm not even in the car! It was beyond belief.

Alright, that's my rant for the day. All of the above happened between 8:30 this morning and...right now? It's like 4:30.

It was amazing, I assure you.

~Spots.

PS: Seriously, if you're a c), we can't be friends. I loathe everything you are.